Epic battle was an #EpicFail

By all accounts Floyd ‘Money’ Mayweather is crass. He fits comfortably into that nouveau-riche category of characters that have more money than they know what to do with. Typically, his money hasn’t bought him even an ounce of class. He’s a living, breathing cliché, whose life story is playing out like a poorly scripted gangsta rap video.

Manny Pacquiao on the other hand is dead boring. His ‘sugar, spice and all that’s nice’ persona is sickeningly sweet. I’ve got nothing but love for #TeamJesus but this guy is the manifestation of all that is yawn-worthy in Christianity. Come on, now. He’s a boxer for god’s sake.

Boxers are supposed to be tough. Not all soft and gooey on the inside. Rumour has it that Manny intends to give a good chunk of his winnings from the “fight of the century” to charity. Okay so, I’ma let him finish but that is the sappiest move of all time. What kind of boxer tries to kill you with kindness? It’s no wonder he lost that bout.

Between the two of them, should have been easy to pick a side. In the ‘Money’ corner stood the devil himself, with gluttony in his right glove and the six other deadly sins in his left. In the other corner was a man who would probably die for the sport and be declared a saint – Manny Pacquiao, Patron Saint of Pugilism.

But in the end, the epic battle between good and evil was an #EpicFail. Mike Tyson sent out a flurry of tweets during the bout, and when the last punch was thrown had this to say: “We waited five years for that…#Underwhelmed.”

Having not watched the bout, and with zero knowledge of boxing, I have to agree. There was only one logical end to all that pre-match hype, and that was a 12-round anti-climax. It was expected, not just because both boxers are clearly well beyond their prime.

Even so, Mad Money had the gall to compare himself to the legendary Mohammed Ali. Can you believe the nerve of the man? Ali is larger than life. He was the epitome of skill and grace in the ring. Outside the ting, he was witty and eloquent, two things that will never define Mr Floyd “What has Africa ever given me” Mayweather. Yes, he is on record saying that he won’t give money to “Africa” because yeah, what have we done for him lately?

But back to Ali. Responding to Mayweather’s outrageous claim, Ali’s daughter Leila called him out for being a “little boy” and a “broken person.” That sounds a bit harsh, but it’s probably true. And Mayweather has been called worse.

Michael Hogan writing for The Telegraph, called him an “overgrown teenager with stars in his eyes”, describing his pugilistic style as “about as entertaining as a urinary tract infection.” Ouch.

“Unbeaten in 47 (now 48) matches,” he continues, “he is easy to admire but boring to watch.”

Mayweather may be a boring boxer but he certainly has an interesting life, albeit for all the wrong reasons. Rumour has it that Pacquiao is a much more exciting fighter. It’s his life that could use a bit of swagger. That whole rags-to-riches, ‘woishe-woiye’ story is just not the stuff of boxing legend.

So. It would appear that in the court of popular culture, Money has the uppercut. Too bad he also uses his fists on women. I would have given him points just for pure entertainment value. But when I learned that he’s a serial abuser, with arrests and citations for assaults against five different women, he lost me completely. #TeamJesusTakeTheWheel