Things we do for love

If a popular, early-morning radio show is to be believed, somewhere in this city a wife has been sleeping on the floor for 16 years, as her husband has occupied the bed with another woman. The wife, so the story goes, has been sleeping on the floor for the sake of her marriage.

Presumably, her husband would have left her – more likely kicked her out – if she had raised an objection. Hard as it is to believe, there are probably more cases like this than we care to imagine.

What a woman will do for her man usually knows no bounds, the operative word here being ‘her man’. Generally speaking, before a man captures a woman’s heart, he will go to unimaginable lengths to get a ‘yes’. For the sake of argument, let’s assume this particular ‘yes’ is in response to a marriage proposal.

Unfortunately, in many cases, shortly after the exchange of rings, roles are reversed and the hunter becomes the hunted. Wives find themselves making repeated attempts to recapture their husbands’ attention, often with limited success; hence this woman’s 16-year-old relationship with a mattress.

It really is fascinating how the balance of power shifts. It’s almost as if the universe pays back the females of the species for making the males work so hard for them.

Playing hard to get, for those women who do, is fun while it lasts. I suppose it must be entertaining to watch a man run around in circles, pulling out all the stops to please you. It is one of those things that many women must revel in, because there will usually be an expiry date on his attention.

But when you find yourself on the non-receiving end, you may surprise yourself with how low you are willing to go, to keep the lights on in your house of love. Obviously, sleeping on the floor for 16 years is borderline psychotic.

What are the options though? I was thinking about that one morning this week, when I was walking to the gym at 6.30 in the morning. With a hoodie on, headphones over my ears and a scowl on my face, I probably looked like a fugitive, running from an unhealthy lifestyle. There were quite a number of school children already on the road waiting for the school bus. At least they were braving the frigid, early-morning chill for an education. What was I doing it for? To bring sexy back? Come on, now.

Was I even doing it for myself or did I want to look good for the benefit of interested onlookers? Despite my considerable Luyhia assets, I would never trade on the meat market. I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. So while this is an excuse to cancel my gym membership, I am also making a case for women not to entrap male suitors with their bodies. Give him good brain instead.

On Tuesday, the interwebs were awash with chatter about a Nyeri woman who relieved her husband of his manhood. We don’t know what he did, but it must have been something really bad. Those kinds of outcomes are just some of the results of a relationship model that is completely out of whack. If they were still in the rose-coloured, honeymoon phase, where both parties were giving as much as they got, no doubt she would have better use for her husband’s genitals. But in a world where wives sleep on the floor while the hubby shags his new catch on the matrimonial bed, it is surprising that so many men are walking around fully membered. Because yeah, what a woman will do TO her man…