Worshipping at the altar of social media

Last week, a friend posted some ‘festive season’ advice on his social media page. “A friendly reminder to drink lots of water, don’t eat everything in sight. Get in a work out if you can,” he wrote. “Jog if the gym is closed.”

I’m sure I was not the only one who found it hilarious, not least because I had been drinking soda by the case load, eating everything in and out of sight and vegetating on the couch, like any self-respecting merry maker would. Jog if the gym is closed? Really? Who does that? Jesus was not born for me to break a sweat.

So I had a good giggle, and hopefully that bit of movement filled my exercise quarter for the season.

But now we’re onto the next and the pressure to make resolutions is palpable. We were supposed to transition from the wide path to the straight and narrow before the clock struck midnight on the 31st. By the time 2015 checked in, we were expected to be all suited up and ready to march into the New Year, armed with enough resolve to start a revolution.

That’s how it was supposed to go. And many of us did make those fabled resolutions. How many will keep them? That remains to be seen. Well, actually it doesn’t. Not too many. In fact, probably none.

Nonetheless, I will go ahead and make mine. It will be entertaining to see how long I can cling to my delusions of grandeur.

So first on my list is the almighty social media. This year, I will try to resist the urge to refresh my feeds every minute, on the minute. If that fails, I will at least make a good attempt not to post derisive comments. If that doesn’t work, I will consider un-installing all the apps that make it so easy to feed my addiction. When I’ve considered that for a moment or two, I’ll revert to options one and two.

Second, I resolve to take a walk on the high side. You would think that had something to do with weed or whisky, but yeah, it doesn’t. I’m talking about shoes. 2014 was the Year of the Flats. Actually, most years are. But in 2015, I promise to wear a pair of heels at least once every quarter. That’s a goal I can achieve without teetering on the precipice and eventually falling off the wagon.

Finally, and I get zero points for originality on this one, I’m going to leave all my baby weight in 2014. I refuse to be one of those women who are still blaming the kid for their own weight 18 years down the line. You can’t be attending your child’s college graduation talking about, ‘I still have to lose those final five kgs’. If I’m still waddling like an over-stuffed turkey come 2016, I’ll find something else to blame. Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but as we all know, the road to mediocrity is often paved with good resolutions.

It might be safer to resolve to be happy, and to do whatever it takes to make that happen. As Oprah Winfrey says, “You will find true success and happiness if you have only one goal. There really is only one, and that is this: To fulfill the highest, most truthful expression of yourself as a human being.”

Sorry guys, I know it’s super uncool to quote Oprah. So now my final, final resolution is never to quote Ms Winfrey again. Happy New Year!