Make it or break it

I’ve heard it said that marriage is not a contract – it’s a covenant. A contract can be broken. A covenant is a binding agreement. Even so, married people ‘break up’ and move on without having to die first, so obviously, covenants can be put asunder too. Or at least, we think they can. When two people have been intimate for a long time whether as man and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend, breaking up is not so easy to do. Being in a relationship demands a level of bonding that goes beyond the physical, and it is the emotional and spiritual bonds that refuse to be loosed. So. One must be super careful before one decides to bond, otherwise one might remain bonded for life.

Going into a relationship, two people will usually negotiate terms. They will broker a ‘deal’ so to speak. So. Maybe they agree to go to church together every Sunday. Or to do a movie on Friday nights. These are the things that would bring together. But there are things that would tear them apart. Those are described as ‘deal breakers’. A deal breaker is an occurrence that would immediately put the breaking party in breach of contract, which would then result in the termination of the relationship. Physically, at least. It could be infidelity. Or addiction. Or financial ruin.

Women usually have them deal breakers at their fingertips. But what about the men? What would push a man to break the deal? There are a few things, actually. And I thank for this insight.

She doesn’t back you up

If she doesn’t respect you enough to back you up in public with friends, parents or colleagues, and if she berates you for it later, you’ve got yourself a deal breaker.

She flirts with other guys

If you and your girl go out with a group and you find her authentically laughing at his jokes, touching his arm, generally enjoying his company – in other words, flirting – this is a deal breaker.

She neglects you publicly

As a man, you don’t necessarily need to be the paramount priority in her life, but you do expect to warrant enough regard not to be ignored. This shows just how low you are on her priority list.

She lies

Lying, no matter the reason or the outcome, should always be a deal breaker for your relationship.

She criticises you

Successful men need their integrity and their self-esteem intact. If your girl is willing to criticize you in such a way that it cuts so deeply into such an important part of your successful psyche, then that’s a definite deal breaker.

She disappears without telling you

She owes you an explanation if she’s going on vacation or to visit a sick relative or for any reason whatsoever. You don’t have to agree with it, but if she doesn’t tell you, that’s disrespectful.

She abuses you

When your girl lays into you, either with fists of fury or scathing comments, you need to let her go. If she’s able to fly off the handle and really try to hurt you, she’s unhinged and you need to let her go.

She scolds you publicly

If you’re out in a public setting and your girl attempts to correct your behaviour with utter disregard to the surrounding scene, you’re smack dab in the middle of a deal breaker.

She has a substance abuse problem

Having a problem with drugs or alcohol is a pretty big deal. If you suddenly discover her problem, 9 times out of 10, it’s a deal breaker. The exception is if you helped to contribute to that problem, or she developed it in some way because of you. In that case you’ve got an obligation to the issue you’ve helped create. It’s a treacherous tightrope to walk, best of luck.

She cheats

The granddaddy of all deal breakers: This is such a slap in the face to you, your trust, whatever you built in your relationship, and her integrity. The second she’s cheated there should be no second chances. It’s the No. 1 relationship deal breaker and you just need to walk away with your dignity intact.

There you have it ladies, from innocent flirtations to the granddaddy of all deal breakers. Funny how this seems like a list of all the things we let them get away with.